The history of my struggle with insomnia

Insomnia is a semi-permanent issue for urbanites. With more than 300 million people in the country suffering from varying degrees of sleep disorders and the incidence of insomnia among adults at nearly 40%, it occurs so frequently that if someone complains of insomnia, you have to estimate how much of it is an exaggeration.

However, persistent insomnia is not an overstatement to say that it is painful. in the summer of 2018, for a variety of reasons, I fell into a traumatic stress reaction, and with it came severe insomnia. More than the pseudo-insomnia of playing on my phone into the wee hours of the morning on weekends, complaining about insomnia and getting up in the afternoon, true insomnia is knowing that I'm going to work at 10 a.m., but having to toss and turn in bed and stay up until 5 or 6 a.m. barely getting three hours of sleep, week after week.

The more traceable is that life has become difficult: half an hour to complete the work needs to drag the day, lost things is the norm, and even one time after work on a bike I was in a trance and did not look at the road, was hit by an electric car, elbows and knees are bloody. I realized the seriousness of the problem and decided to seek help.

The cycle of sleep deprivation and irritability-depression-crash for several days in a row is also what prompted me to seek help. Science has proven that depression and insomnia are closely related: the relationship between sleep and mental disorders is not one-way, insomnia is also a risk factor for mental disorders, and for people who already suffer from depression, insomnia marks an increase in suicidal ideation and an increased risk of recurrence of depression.

In August '18, I enrolled in a general psychiatric clinic and began to play with insomnia.

Drug treatment

After listening to my self-report, my doctor suggested me to use antidepressants. Because of my previous experience with fluoxetine, the side effects of frequent headaches and the urge to vomit combined with the limited effect of antidepressants, I declined the antidepressant and ended up getting the sleeping pill, eszopiclone.

I took one at 12:30 p.m. and lay down to wait. Sleep came precisely ten minutes later, and the process was gradual: first, my limbs were sore and weak, my mental state slowly relaxed, and finally my head became heavier and heavier, and I don't know when I lost consciousness, but I remember waking up again at 8:00 am. The whole process was like stepping into a black hole of sleep.

When I came out of the black hole, a miracle was revealed: no more blurred vision, no more pervasive frustration and lingering confrontation, everything returned to normal overnight. Strangely enough, though, I never remembered the dreams I had after taking the eszopiclone. Some studies have shown that benzodiazepine sleeping pills, including eszopiclone, reduce REM sleep, which is the main stage of sleep in which dreams occur. It is even thought that the reduction in REM sleep increases mortality in adults.

All gifts come with a hidden price tag, and I don't care about the fraction of a percentage point increase in mortality, only the real decrease in the probability of sudden death after falling asleep. Despite the muscle weakness and mental fogginess upon waking, the side effects were insignificant compared to the healing power of quality sleep. In addition to the side effects of weakness, a common problem with second-generation sleeping pills is drug resistance. Soon, one pill a day was no longer enough and I needed to take three or more at a time.

Placebo therapy

In addition to insomnia, "staying up late" used to be another sleep problem I faced.

Faced with extremely compressed personal space at work, the compensatory psychology of retaliatory late sleep at night frequently emerged, which manifested itself in going to bed at two o'clock and getting up at ten o'clock. As a result, I was scolded by my family, and the family group averaged three times a week with "staying up late causes sudden death" advertisements of public health products.

Strictly speaking, my work schedule is not considered late, because the sleep pattern and the length of sleep are guaranteed. On the contrary, even if you go to bed early and get up early, but sleep less than seven hours, is also considered to stay up late.

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